Jonathan and I are in the process of buying our first house. When we first decided to plunge into the black hole that is home ownership, I was excited! No... I was beyond excited. I was ecstatic!! We finally get a place to call our own, a place to plant roots, a place to start a family, a place where I can paint the walls! I was so ready.
So we started looking. We found a few that looked great online, so we asked our realtor to see them. No match there. She had a few suggestions to show us, so we went to see them. Nothing really felt like home yet, so we decided to keep looking. Two months and ten houses later, we haven't found a thing. It feels like we're never going to find anything. And I KNOW, it's only been two months. I KNOW the season is not prime for real estate right now. I KNOW some people don't find the right house right away. I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW... but I'm impatient. Always have been, always will be. I can't help it. It's bred into me (thanks, Dad). I am so ready.
***Prepare yourselves for some major whining and self-pity.***
This just seems to be turning in to what I'm experiencing with trying to become a mom (more on that later). It seems like everyone else is getting exactly what they want out of life. The perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect family. Every one around me seems to have everything I wish I had. Don't get me wrong; I am so excited for my friends when they tell me they are expecting or buying a house. I try not to be jealous. It's an ugly feeling, but it's so hard not to feel like I'm doing something wrong. Like I'm being punished for something. And I KNOW God isn't just a kid with a huge magnifying glass and we're just ants running around trying to avoid the concentrated ray of sun light that could stop you in your tracks and make you into a crispy critter.
God is a gracious, loving god that's always wants what's best for us. It's just hard to reconcile my own personal feelings with what God has planned for me. His plan is ultimate, perfect, mysterious and wonderful and so hard to accept sometimes. A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. ~ Proverbs 16:9
It's amazing. At the beginning of this post, I was completely down-in-the-dumps sad and now I'm feeling okay. Thanks.
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